Look - everyone knows that accountants are the funniest people in the room, right? RIGHT??? (you should see me at parties… standing alone in a corner {sigh})
Anyhow: here are some accounting based jokes, stolen from other accountants!
Try to contain yourselves!
Our favorite accounting jokes
1. Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. What do you call an accountant with an opinion? An auditor.
4. How does Santa’s accountant value his sleigh? The Net Present Value.
5. Why are accountants so cool, calm, and collected? They have strong internal controls.
6. What do you call a trial balance that does not balance? A late night.
7. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
8. They say that two things in life are unavoidable: death and taxes. At least death only happens once!
9. There are two steps to creating a successful accounting business: (1) Don’t tell them everything that you know. (2) [redacted]
10. For every tax problem encountered there is a solution that’s straightforward, uncomplicated, and wrong.
11. What does an accountant say when getting on a train? Mind the GAAP.
12. How many accountants does it take to screw in a lightbulb? How many did it take last year?
13. What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.
14. What do accountants like most about the weekends? They get to wear casual clothes to work!
15. Children may be tax deductible, but they’re still taxing.
16. Why don’t skunks have to pay taxes? They’ve only got one scent.
17. Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures!
18. What do actuaries do to liven up their parties? Invite an accountant.
19. It’s an accrual world.
20. How was copper wire invented? Two accountants were arguing over a penny. (via parade.com)
21. Did you hear about the cannibal CPA? He charges an arm and a leg!
22. Have you heard the one about the fun accountant? Me neither.
23. If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep, all she has to say is “Dear, tell me about your day at work.”
24. What do you call an accountant without a calculator? Lonely.
25. How can you tell if an accountant is extroverted? He looks at your shoes when talking to you instead of looking at his own.
26. What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants? Accountants know they’re boring.
27. When do accountants fall over? When they lose their balance. (via parade.com)
28. What’s an accountant’s favorite type of cereal? Post!
29. Ever wonder why it’s called a Form 1040? For every $50 you earn, you get $10 and they get $40.
30. How do accountants manage to stay out of debt? They learn to act their wage.
31. A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had six months to live. “Oh my God!” said the woman. “What shall I do?” “Marry an accountant,” suggested the doctor. “Why?” asked the woman. “Will that make me live longer?” “No,” replied the doctor. “But it will SEEM longer.”
32. An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night,” he says. “Have you tried counting sheep?” inquires the doctor. That’s the problem — I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it. (via Nichole Morford at LifeHealthPro)
33. What is the definition of an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand. (via Groco)
34. What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.
35. Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
36. What’s an accountant’s idea of trashing his hotel room? Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
37. Which superhero pays no tax? Spiderman, all his income is net. (via rd.com)
38. Where do actors who don’t pay taxes perform? In the audit-orium. (via rd.com)
39. Why did the two CPAs finally call off their on-again, off-again romance? They couldn’t reconcile their differences. (via rd.com)
40. Why did Sherlock Holmes get audited by the IRS? He had too many deductions. (via rd.com)